Learning Emotional Balance Through Montessori
Paula Lillard Preschlack • September 30, 2016

Learning Emotional Balance Through Montessori: How We Steel Our Children Against the “Superkid” Perils


When I read the New York Times Article in July, 2015 by Frank Bruni, “Today’s Exhausted Superkids,” and “The Silicon Valley Suicides: Why Are So Many Kids Killing Themselves in Palo Alto?” by Hanna Rosin in The Atlantic in December, 2015, I was deeply saddened that more parents don’t know about the benefits of taking a Montessori approach to learning emotional balance at school and at home.


You may have read these or other articles about teens struggling to balance themselves when pushed to excel. Too many have tried to escape what feels like suffocating pressure from their parents and high-achieving communities with drugs and even suicide. Although the issues in each case are complicated, such articles remind us to keep what is most important in the forefront of our minds as parents. At Forest Bluff School, we continually find wise guidance in the Montessori approach to learning emotional balance, which emphasizes healthy self-governance in action as well as thought.


What I see in the described stories are problems that stem from adults—perhaps unconsciously—trying to run young people’s lives for them. In contrast, our students at Forest Bluff learn from an early age that they are in charge of themselves. While making numerous choices throughout the day and deciding what work they are going to do next, our children learn to take their feelings and energy level into account. For instance, when a student has been working hard on editing his research paper for an hour with his teacher and practicing presenting it for another hour with classmates, he will usually choose to spend some time drawing the cover while in easy conversation with a friend or by himself in a reflective manner near a window. Because the teacher does not interfere with such decisions, healthy personal habits develop.


A girl reading a book sitting down a tree.

I see this kind of ebb and flow of effortful versus restful activity all day long in our Montessori classrooms, where children are learning emotional balance by choosing what they are going to work on, when, and where. Adults rarely have to intervene to inspire a child to challenge himself, or, conversely, to encourage him to take a break because he has passed the point of being productive; children follow their intuition to balance themselves in this Montessori environment. This gives them practice for life, and sets them up to recognize that when the pressure mounts, they can respond by doing something to get back into balance. They also realize that pressure comes from within, as it should. This is their internal conversation. You are more likely to hear a Montessori child say, “I am going to finish my snake report today,” than, “My teacher says I have to…” or “My parents say I have to….”


Learning Emotional Balance at Home


The most important thing we can do as parents is to mirror this healthy approach to self-governance at home: encourage your children to make their own choices, hold them accountable when those choices lead to consequences, and model making healthy choices. When you work hard but then get to bed early; are physically active during the day; take some down time to read and reflect; and eat healthy, well-proportioned meals, you demonstrate some necessities for leading a productive and fulfilling life.


Learning emotional balance, working hard, and doing their best is something that children and adults want to do. Dr. Montessori saw this as a natural inner drive which we must nurture. External pressures, which can be destructive, are actually unnecessary.


So, each time you take a moment to have a cup of tea, sit down with a book, or retreat for a brief nap, realize that you are showing your children some healthy ways you balance your life so that you can give back to the world in a meaningful way. And when you see your Forest Bluff children do the same, rejoice that they are learning emotional balance and getting good practice for their futures. The life skill of balancing oneself is priceless.


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A young child outside on a sunny day using a watering can to water potted herbs and flowers

How to Live in an Uncertain World: Optimism Through Montessori

By Margaret J. Kelley • April 20, 2026
Forest Bluff School in Lake Bluff, IL, explores how the Montessori philosophy helps families trade "crippling empathy" and anxiety for a productive, grounded optimism.
A teacher and Montessori student at Forest Bluff School in Lake Bluff, IL, shake hands.

Montessori and Accountability: Developing a Moral Compass

By Alice Davidson with contributions by Margaret J. Kelley • February 25, 2026
In Montessori education, we view each child as inherently capable of developing a strong sense of right and wrong. A child’s moral compass is not something we impose upon them—it is something that grows within, guided by experiences, reflection, and consistent modeling from the adults in their lives. For that moral sense to take root, children must be allowed to experience accountability for their actions. When parents shield their children from consequences or defend behavior they know is wrong, they unintentionally undermine that process, creating confusion and instability in the child’s understanding of truth, fairness, and responsibility. Many parents defend their children out of love and protectiveness. They wish to spare their child from discomfort, embarrassment, or the feeling of failure. Yet this kind of protection, though well-intentioned, teaches the opposite of what true love demands. One of the tenets of Montessori is to put children in contact with the real world in age-appropriate ways, trusting that they have the inner capabilities to grow and adapt when they have real experiences. When parents constantly justify, minimize, or excuse poor behavior, a child misses an opportunity for feedback; they learn that honesty is flexible and that integrity can be negotiated. This erodes their moral foundation and leaves them uncertain about what is right—not because they cannot feel it, but because the adults they trust most are contradicting that inner voice. In Montessori, children learn to do work and make decisions based on intrinsic, not extrinsic motivation. We trust that they have goodness inside of them, and while they absolutely need guardrails and guidelines, we can best serve them by teaching them to distinguish between their internal drives, and to take action in accordance with their conscience. Children are perceptive. They often know when they have done something wrong—whether they spoke unkindly, acted selfishly, or disrespected another. When their parents immediately defend them or blame others, the child experiences an internal conflict. On one hand, their conscience tells them they made a mistake; on the other, the parent’s response tells them they are in the right. Over time, this mismatch between inner truth and external validation creates confusion. The child begins to question their own moral instincts and may even learn to ignore the pangs of conscience altogether, relying instead on external approval to define what is acceptable. This is one of the greatest harms of over-defending a child: it separates them from their natural moral compass. When children are consistently told they are right—even when they know they are not—they start to equate love with being defended rather than being guided. They may learn that relationships are maintained through justification and blame-shifting instead of honesty and repair. Later in life, these patterns can manifest as difficulty accepting feedback, resistance to authority, or an inability to take responsibility in personal and professional relationships. In Montessori classrooms, we see accountability as a cornerstone of growth. When a child makes a mistake—perhaps they take another’s materials without asking or speak rudely to a classmate—we respond not with shame, but with calm guidance. We help the child reflect: What happened? How did this affect others? What can you do to make it right? This process nurtures empathy and clarity. It helps children see that they can correct their mistakes, that doing wrong does not make them bad, and that making amends restores both harmony and self-respect. Accepting that your child can be wrong is not a sign of parental failure—it is a sign of courage and wisdom. When you model accountability yourself, your child learns that truth is not something to be feared. They see that mistakes are part of being human, and that integrity means facing them with grace. Ultimately, allowing your child to experience and accept the consequences of their behavior builds confidence, empathy, and moral clarity. Shielding them from accountability may protect their feelings in the short term, but it confuses their conscience and weakens their inner sense of right and wrong. By guiding them lovingly toward truth and responsibility, you empower them to grow into kind, honest, and self-aware individuals—qualities that form the true foundation of a moral life.