Love in Action: Community Service With Your Children
Margaret J. Kelley • January 12, 2024

The beginning of the year provides us with an opportunity to practice intentionality and thoughtfulness in our values. We can establish these qualities into our routines, carrying them through our experiences for the rest of the year. Martin Luther King Jr. Day is an inspiration for many families as they consider how they can contribute to their community with compassion and action. January is an invitation to families to think about other people and the needs of the world around us.


Dr. Maria Montessori observed that humans are the only species who can imagine the lives of others and love people whom we have not even met. This capacity is unique to being human and is an important quality for us to encourage and nourish in ourselves and our children. Compassion and the ability to know how to help are two of the most important gifts we can give to humanity.


A Montessori Perspective on Service


There is no one-size-fits-all approach to community service with children. This concept does not belong only to Montessori, but it is a distinctive and persistent feature of the philosophy. A part of considering how best to find ways to volunteer with your children is by first understanding their phase of development. We know from Montessori’s observations that 0-6 year-olds do best with simple, hands-on activities that do not require prolonged efforts. 6-12 year-olds have a greater capacity for abstract work, and they are often motivated by social connection. 12-18 year-olds are ready for independence and deep engagement, and can understand more about why our world has the challenges that it has.


Additionally, every parent must know the idiosyncrasies of each of their children—how much to expose them to in order to cultivate their compassion and desire to help without overwhelming them. Some children can handle witnessing more of the world’s pain and needs, while others will shut down. While this capacity tends to increase with age, it also is individual to each person. A parent can best support their children when they are observant and sensitive to their personalities.


Talking About Service


Parents need to be sensitive to what kind of language their children are ready for when discussing why other families and communities have greater needs for donations than others. For the youngest children, a simple explanation will suffice: “For some families, it is harder for them to pay for the food they need. We are so lucky that we have enough. We can help make their lives easier by giving them food so they don’t have to pay for it.”


This kind of explanation works for a variety of services. Simply expressing that it is harder for other families and that your family is in a position to help creates the idea of a need for service without overwhelming their imaginations.


Older children may be able to handle more information, but parents should proceed cautiously. Children have active imaginations and porous empathy. We want them to love the world and believe in the magnitude of its goodness before presenting the entirety of the world’s problems to them. For the most part, we have the privilege of allowing the children at our school to spend their childhood unjaded so that they develop the capacity for hope. A palpable sense of hope and a belief in how good the world can be will inspire selfless action as they mature.


Ideas for Community Service


Book, Food, or Clothing Bank

These organizations all collect items such as books, food, or clothing and then distribute them to people, families, and communities who need them. Ask around your town or city to find one that has a simple donation strategy. Here in Lake Bluff, IL, where Forest Bluff School is located, Bernie’s Book Bank provides many opportunities for children of all ages to volunteer and contribute. The jobs at the facility range in simplicity. There are accessible tasks for young children, and there are more complex tasks for older children. The staff take the time to share stories about the families who are impacted by book donations, making the work feel meaningful.


For banks that don’t offer volunteer opportunities, it is easy to organize a drive, or to gather items from your house with your family. Older children can design flyers and go door-to-door in their neighborhood, collecting items from other homes. Younger children can help put food, clothes, or books in bags or boxes. They can take part in determining what they are ready to part with from your own home. And they can all help bring the items to the organizations, witnessing the smiles of the staff members and the way that their work becomes a part of greater efforts.


In all of these cases, it is important to gauge the capacity of each of your children. Parting with clothes they have outgrown is easier than parting with books that they may still love, even if they have technically outgrown them. And choosing food at the grocery store will be easier than parting with clothes. Nothing will be gained by forcing them to give things away that they are not ready to give away! If they are resisting identifying clothes or books that they do not need anymore, then leave the metaphorical door open for them: “I can see that you are still attached to your books. I love how much you love to read! I’ll check in another time to see if there are any that you are ready to give to another family.” For this child, they likely will be more receptive to a food bank. They can help you pick out their favorite kinds of canned or boxed food (or fresh food if your bank accommodates that), and then practice being generous in this way.


Cookie, Lemonade, or Hot Chocolate Stand

These kinds of stands tend to be more suited for older children, who can decide what items they will sell and help choose a charity or organization to donate proceeds to. Let them follow their passion and interest, and, to the extent that they can handle it, let them guide the research on what is important to them as they determine who to help.


The children can make signs, set up the table, prepare the food or drink in the kitchen, and then be responsible for managing the sales. Make sure they know how to tell passersby what they are raising money for! Point out to them how much people love donating for a worthy cause. Pro tip: If you have Venmo or Zelle, you can print a QR code for people to use to buy goods. This will help them catch people who do not carry cash on them.

A boy and a girl are selling lemonade under umbrellas in a yard

When they finish their sale, invite them to participate in officially donating, whether it’s via check or on-line. Talk about who or what the charity serves, and when the donation acknowledgement letter arrives, give it to them so they can see the impact. Feeling pride in their work and knowing that it actually counts gives them confidence and motivation to do it again, perhaps in other ways, as they age.


A younger sibling can participate in the activity, too. Even as it may be more abstract for them to understand, it still feels good for them to know they are a part of it. Parents should exercise caution not to take over too much of the project. Let them make little mistakes or do things differently from how you would do it! If it’s your work, then it’s not theirs. Children are extremely sensitive to adult agendas and judgment, and will likely feel defeated or deflated if the activity becomes yours.


Helping Neighbors

Remember that not all community service has to be organized. Wherever you live, you have neighbors who can use assistance or help at different times. You may have an elderly neighbor who may need help shoveling their driveway, raking leaves, or bringing their newspaper to their front door. You may have a neighbor who has recently had surgery and may appreciate a home cooked meal or a grocery bag full of fresh fruits and vegetables. You may also have a neighbor with younger children, who your older child can read to or play with while their mother or father prepares dinner or washes the dishes. The possibilities are as endless as the lives of the people you know!


The beauty of learning to serve this way is that there are many options for children of different ages and abilities, as well as different spans of time and seasons. Learning to ask, “How can I help?” provides a foundation for community, friendship, and empowerment for the rest of your children’s lives.


Final Thoughts


With all the demands of the everyday world, it can be easy to let community service slip to the bottom of our to-do lists. There is, simply, so much to do. But it does not need to be complicated or perfect. It does not need to be extensive or precise. Simply speaking about it as a value, and then finding a simple, regular way to contribute to your community or your neighborhood sets the example for your children that we all exist in a web of interdependence. It shows them that we all have something to give. We can help our neighbors take out their trash, we can share cookies with the family across the street who just had a baby, and we can always add three extra cans of food for the local food pantry when we go to the grocery store.


We do not know exactly what kind of world our children will inherit as they enter adulthood. But we do know that when they step fully into it, we will need them to want to do something to make it better. This is one of our tasks as parents—ensuring that they are not helpless or hopeless. We want them to know that there is always something they can do, and that they can always be a force for goodness. The service we do with them now may look like a small tool, but it is a mighty one. It gives them hope, and it gives us hope too.

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A young child outside on a sunny day using a watering can to water potted herbs and flowers

How to Live in an Uncertain World: Optimism Through Montessori

By Margaret J. Kelley • April 20, 2026
Forest Bluff School in Lake Bluff, IL, explores how the Montessori philosophy helps families trade "crippling empathy" and anxiety for a productive, grounded optimism.
A teacher and Montessori student at Forest Bluff School in Lake Bluff, IL, shake hands.

Montessori and Accountability: Developing a Moral Compass

By Alice Davidson with contributions by Margaret J. Kelley • February 25, 2026
In Montessori education, we view each child as inherently capable of developing a strong sense of right and wrong. A child’s moral compass is not something we impose upon them—it is something that grows within, guided by experiences, reflection, and consistent modeling from the adults in their lives. For that moral sense to take root, children must be allowed to experience accountability for their actions. When parents shield their children from consequences or defend behavior they know is wrong, they unintentionally undermine that process, creating confusion and instability in the child’s understanding of truth, fairness, and responsibility. Many parents defend their children out of love and protectiveness. They wish to spare their child from discomfort, embarrassment, or the feeling of failure. Yet this kind of protection, though well-intentioned, teaches the opposite of what true love demands. One of the tenets of Montessori is to put children in contact with the real world in age-appropriate ways, trusting that they have the inner capabilities to grow and adapt when they have real experiences. When parents constantly justify, minimize, or excuse poor behavior, a child misses an opportunity for feedback; they learn that honesty is flexible and that integrity can be negotiated. This erodes their moral foundation and leaves them uncertain about what is right—not because they cannot feel it, but because the adults they trust most are contradicting that inner voice. In Montessori, children learn to do work and make decisions based on intrinsic, not extrinsic motivation. We trust that they have goodness inside of them, and while they absolutely need guardrails and guidelines, we can best serve them by teaching them to distinguish between their internal drives, and to take action in accordance with their conscience. Children are perceptive. They often know when they have done something wrong—whether they spoke unkindly, acted selfishly, or disrespected another. When their parents immediately defend them or blame others, the child experiences an internal conflict. On one hand, their conscience tells them they made a mistake; on the other, the parent’s response tells them they are in the right. Over time, this mismatch between inner truth and external validation creates confusion. The child begins to question their own moral instincts and may even learn to ignore the pangs of conscience altogether, relying instead on external approval to define what is acceptable. This is one of the greatest harms of over-defending a child: it separates them from their natural moral compass. When children are consistently told they are right—even when they know they are not—they start to equate love with being defended rather than being guided. They may learn that relationships are maintained through justification and blame-shifting instead of honesty and repair. Later in life, these patterns can manifest as difficulty accepting feedback, resistance to authority, or an inability to take responsibility in personal and professional relationships. In Montessori classrooms, we see accountability as a cornerstone of growth. When a child makes a mistake—perhaps they take another’s materials without asking or speak rudely to a classmate—we respond not with shame, but with calm guidance. We help the child reflect: What happened? How did this affect others? What can you do to make it right? This process nurtures empathy and clarity. It helps children see that they can correct their mistakes, that doing wrong does not make them bad, and that making amends restores both harmony and self-respect. Accepting that your child can be wrong is not a sign of parental failure—it is a sign of courage and wisdom. When you model accountability yourself, your child learns that truth is not something to be feared. They see that mistakes are part of being human, and that integrity means facing them with grace. Ultimately, allowing your child to experience and accept the consequences of their behavior builds confidence, empathy, and moral clarity. Shielding them from accountability may protect their feelings in the short term, but it confuses their conscience and weakens their inner sense of right and wrong. By guiding them lovingly toward truth and responsibility, you empower them to grow into kind, honest, and self-aware individuals—qualities that form the true foundation of a moral life.