The Social Life of the Elementary Student: Part I
Margaret J. Kelley • February 14, 2025

Adapted from a presentation by Upper Elementary teacher Regina Sokolowski

It is important to take the time to reflect upon our children—their immense capabilities, their confidence and their resilience, and how we can best support them.

Who is the Elementary Child?

In Montessori, we refer to the elementary years as the “Second Plane” of development. Montessori actually used the term “introvert” to refer to the first six years of life and “extrovert” to refer to the ages of 6–12 years. By introvert, she meant that the child was focusing on individual construction, and by extrovert she meant they were focusing on their social construction—turning outward to the wider society.

 

Children begin their social construction in the 6–9 (Lower Elementary) class. In the 9–12 (Upper Elementary) class they come to explicitly understand the importance of cooperation and how their actions have an impact on people in the wider community.

 

Academically, this is a time to deepen their learning. This is not a place where we cross off a checklist from some adult-driven agenda or curriculum. True understanding and a deep love of learning comes from experiencing a concept with as many senses as possible—hence the materials! And true mastery is gained only by teaching another person.

 

Social construction is not a separate process from academics; in fact, it is their academic process. This is how elementary children learn. Their drive to be social with one another motivates them to learn. They learn from each other, and they often concentrate best when they are focused on work with a peer. The Montessori elementary curriculum reflects this time of life. The materials for these ages are largely designed for groups, and the work is meant to be collaborative.

 

The elementary years are dynamic and fun! These are young people with immense academic potential and physical capabilities, yet there is still an innocence that makes it enjoyable and uplifting to be around them. In fact, this stage has been called the Golden Age of Childhood. This is a time to savor with your children! You are both building the foundation for the transformative adolescent years.

Our Goals for Education

In a conventional school, the direct goals for education tend to involve the transmission of specific knowledge to students. There are academic benchmarks for each grade, and a school, teacher, and student are assessed on how well the student retains the information for a test. While most adults working with children in any educational system have social, emotional, and personal goals for their students, Montessori—in addition to rigorous academic lessons­—is special in making these goals explicit for children, as well as creating a curriculum designed to allow children to meet these goals.

 

The explicit Montessori social, emotional and personal goals are:

●     Preparation for Life

●     Confidence

●     Self-Awareness

●     Self-Advocacy

●     Adaptability

 

It is also helpful to reflect upon the eight characteristics that Paula Lillard Preschlack (in her book The Montessori Potential) has observed in Montessori graduates:

●     Engagement

●     Focus

●     Organization

●     Curiosity

●     Courage

●     Collaboration

●     Respect

●     Resourcefulness

 

In order to understand how to support elementary children so that they can embody these goals and characteristics, we need to know more about them!

The Unique Abilities of Elementary Children

There are two special abilities of the second plane child to keep in mind as we guide them through this importation period of self-formation:

 

Reasoning Mind: Elementary children are able to think logically and make reasonable judgments.

 

Imagination: Children of this age are capable of imagining, creating, organizing, and carrying out incredible ideas, but also can fall into boredom and even unhappiness if these minds are not being challenged.

The Unique Characteristics of Elementary Children

Beyond these two abilities, Maria Montessori identified “characteristics of the second plane.” A true understanding of these abilities will help us guide all of our interactions with these children.


Social Construction

In the primary level, while there are, of course, other children in the classroom, most of the students’ work is individual. In the elementary they become interested in each other in new ways and begin to explore collaboration.

 

This social construction begins in the Lower Elementary where they are learning the very basics of peer interaction. Their social construction intensifies in the Upper Elementary. The child begins pushing away from their family. The role of the peers becomes increasingly important, and their work is increasingly collaborative.

 

You may observe that children want to create groups and clubs, and develop secret codes, passwords, and even secret languages. All of these actions come from the natural urge to understand how groups work and to identify themselves with a group.

 

Justice and Conscience

In Lower Elementary there is a lot of “tattletale” behavior, where the students are checking in with adults to ask, “Is this behavior okay? How much should I care? Should I do something about it? Are you going to do something about it?”

 

In the Upper Elementary the students feel a deeper sense of responsibility to one another. They feel more independent, and therefore want to work through conflict and transgressions themselves.

 

Because they are so concerned with “fairness,” they can get very upset when people do things they are not supposed to or differently than they expected! As a way of helping students understand their peers’ behavior, we use the lens of compassion for understanding: People do unkind things when something does not feel right inside. We often use the phrase, “Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” And we remind the children, “We are all doing our very best given our capabilities and individual situations.” Language like this helps them integrate their sense of justice with their increasing social awareness.

 

Emotional Resilience

For an elementary child, an emotional breakdown is often over within the hour, or even within a few minutes! A child might need to work through a social conflict with their friends at school and won’t even mention it at home, or they exhibit strong emotions and tears at home and are fine the next day at school.

 

Hero Worship

At this age children are captivated and inspired by famous leaders, athletes, authors, as well as their older siblings, cousins, coaches, and parents. We want to be sure we give them positive role models and give them opportunities to be positive role models to younger children. We are so lucky to be in a place where the children’s peers are not simply confined to their grade. Multi-age relationships within the classroom allow them to experience having and being a role model within their very classroom.


Part II (coming next month) will discuss how adults can support the elementary child's social development.

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A young child outside on a sunny day using a watering can to water potted herbs and flowers

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A teacher and Montessori student at Forest Bluff School in Lake Bluff, IL, shake hands.

Montessori and Accountability: Developing a Moral Compass

By Alice Davidson with contributions by Margaret J. Kelley • February 25, 2026
In Montessori education, we view each child as inherently capable of developing a strong sense of right and wrong. A child’s moral compass is not something we impose upon them—it is something that grows within, guided by experiences, reflection, and consistent modeling from the adults in their lives. For that moral sense to take root, children must be allowed to experience accountability for their actions. When parents shield their children from consequences or defend behavior they know is wrong, they unintentionally undermine that process, creating confusion and instability in the child’s understanding of truth, fairness, and responsibility. Many parents defend their children out of love and protectiveness. They wish to spare their child from discomfort, embarrassment, or the feeling of failure. Yet this kind of protection, though well-intentioned, teaches the opposite of what true love demands. One of the tenets of Montessori is to put children in contact with the real world in age-appropriate ways, trusting that they have the inner capabilities to grow and adapt when they have real experiences. When parents constantly justify, minimize, or excuse poor behavior, a child misses an opportunity for feedback; they learn that honesty is flexible and that integrity can be negotiated. This erodes their moral foundation and leaves them uncertain about what is right—not because they cannot feel it, but because the adults they trust most are contradicting that inner voice. In Montessori, children learn to do work and make decisions based on intrinsic, not extrinsic motivation. We trust that they have goodness inside of them, and while they absolutely need guardrails and guidelines, we can best serve them by teaching them to distinguish between their internal drives, and to take action in accordance with their conscience. Children are perceptive. They often know when they have done something wrong—whether they spoke unkindly, acted selfishly, or disrespected another. When their parents immediately defend them or blame others, the child experiences an internal conflict. On one hand, their conscience tells them they made a mistake; on the other, the parent’s response tells them they are in the right. Over time, this mismatch between inner truth and external validation creates confusion. The child begins to question their own moral instincts and may even learn to ignore the pangs of conscience altogether, relying instead on external approval to define what is acceptable. This is one of the greatest harms of over-defending a child: it separates them from their natural moral compass. When children are consistently told they are right—even when they know they are not—they start to equate love with being defended rather than being guided. They may learn that relationships are maintained through justification and blame-shifting instead of honesty and repair. Later in life, these patterns can manifest as difficulty accepting feedback, resistance to authority, or an inability to take responsibility in personal and professional relationships. In Montessori classrooms, we see accountability as a cornerstone of growth. When a child makes a mistake—perhaps they take another’s materials without asking or speak rudely to a classmate—we respond not with shame, but with calm guidance. We help the child reflect: What happened? How did this affect others? What can you do to make it right? This process nurtures empathy and clarity. It helps children see that they can correct their mistakes, that doing wrong does not make them bad, and that making amends restores both harmony and self-respect. Accepting that your child can be wrong is not a sign of parental failure—it is a sign of courage and wisdom. When you model accountability yourself, your child learns that truth is not something to be feared. They see that mistakes are part of being human, and that integrity means facing them with grace. Ultimately, allowing your child to experience and accept the consequences of their behavior builds confidence, empathy, and moral clarity. Shielding them from accountability may protect their feelings in the short term, but it confuses their conscience and weakens their inner sense of right and wrong. By guiding them lovingly toward truth and responsibility, you empower them to grow into kind, honest, and self-aware individuals—qualities that form the true foundation of a moral life.