Lessons from Montessori: Preparing Ourselves with Grace
Paula Lillard Preschlack • September 2, 2017

Montessori Training and the Mindset it Cultivates


Parenting with grace can be a challenge at times. We explore how parents can apply lessons from Montessori teacher training to child rearing at home.


“The first step…is to prepare [yourself]” – Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind


In 1913, Dr. Montessori gave a series of lectures to train teachers in her first formal training course in Rome. Ninety men and women came from around the world to enroll in this year-long course. Imagine what they must have sacrificed, traveling so far in those days on rough seas, in carriages or early vehicles over uneven roads, leaving their families and careers to come hear what this woman had to say! It was just this kind of willingness and openness that Dr. Montessori declared was necessary in those who wish to work with children. If we are going to truly embrace the idea that our role as adults is to serve children’s natural drive to form themselves, we must be humble, astute, and courteous. We must be ready to learn from observing the children, how to best help each one in their quests.


This is why the Association Montessori Internationale (AMI) training courses are so long (three summers long or a calendar school year of nine months) and involve rigorous work and examinations for teachers-to-be. To become a fully-trained Montessori teacher, one is not just acquiring the mechanics of the method: the lessons, materials’ uses, and philosophy. To adopt a new way of thinking--which this approach requires--means that a personal transformation takes place. A person must depart from the traditional, limited beliefs of what children are like and what to do with them. There is an openness, a willingness, and a courage that those first trainees had and that we need to exercise.


It takes time, experiences and practice to change one’s approach and beliefs. A new Montessori teacher watches the children, determines from her training what to show them next, and adjusts based on what she sees in the students’ behaviors. For instance, I remember as a Primary teacher inviting a three-year-old to bring three sandpaper letters, one at a time, to a table to work on them with me. He brought the first, looking around the room as he walked, distracted and excitable, dropped it on the table, and rushed back for the next one. I finished up what I was doing with a different child and turned to smile at him as he approached with the next letter clutched in his hands, again looking around and this time talking to another child as he passed. “Peter,” I stopped him by holding my hands out to gently accept the sandpaper letter /j/, “let’s see how softly we can place the /j/ on the table.” I withdrew my hands as I saw he seized the opportunity to show me himself. “Lovely,” I whispered, “I wonder about the /m/.” And he rushed back to look through the box for that letter. He was still excited, still distracted, but gradually, as I drew his attention towards his movements and the letters, he started to settle into himself and focus.


Our lesson with the three letters that day was more about the movements, even as we practiced the sounds together. I introduced one new letter--instead of the three new ones I had planned to--because I saw that Peter wasn’t ready that day to absorb the new information. In fact, he forgot one of the letters from the previous day several times, so that review became a big part of our lesson, too. Another day, when he settled into work more quickly, we would have time to make strides with more letters. This is how we adjust to meet each child where he or she is at every moment, and we watch the responses we get as we try different things. We actually cover more ground, and do so with deeper and more thorough learning, than if we wed ourselves to an arbitrary timetable for a curriculum.


Parenting with Grace: What We Can Learn from Montessori


This same sensitivity and flexibility can help us as parents. Recently, we had a Coffee Discussion for the Forest Bluff mothers who have three or more children under the age of seven. After sharing some stories, frustrations, worries, and laughter, three “veteran” Forest Bluff mothers responded with their insights from their own experiences of raising several children close in age. Now that their children are in their teens and twenties, these mothers could look back, recall the struggles, and share what had helped them most. One of the biggest take-aways was to pick and choose one’s priorities and let go of some goals that might not be as important in the grand scheme of things. We also heard the call to be graceful; all three mothers said in so many words: It just won’t be perfect, but it will all turn out all right. Accept this and act with grace as best you can.


How can we be graceful when children are screaming, chaos reigns around you in the kitchen, and your own nerves are shot?


Like a teacher in her classroom, we must begin with ourselves. Quite literally, take a step back and observe the children for a moment. Then be the leader. Calmly and confidently step in to guide the children, one at a time, towards something positive. Be as gentle or as firm as each child needs you to be. Every one of them is different, and they are different on each day. But in any moment, when a child is acting chaotically, s/he either needs to be removed from too much stimulus or given the opportunity to be actively involved in her/his own project. It could be as simple as being invited to wipe the tabletop, prepare simple food, or move furniture or belongings from one part of the room to another.


If a child shows s/he is exhausted or overstimulated, it helps to lift them up caringly and hold them while you help the others get started on what they can be doing, then put them in another room or area to quietly look at a book or play alone for a little bit. Setting boundaries and consistently upholding them gives children the structure that they will set for themselves more often as they mature. I know children as young as four who will sometimes announce, “I need some time alone now,” and walk out of the room to care for themselves!


As adults, we need to fill our own spiritual wells weekly with some activity or practice that rejuvenates us. This differs for everybody, but we all need it. We also can do this throughout the day. As a Montessori teacher, I prepared the classroom in the morning and then stood quietly, waiting for the first children to arrive. Sometimes I listened to the classical music quietly playing in the corner. I looked out the large windows at the trees and sky and took deeps breaths to relax so that I could be fully present for each child. I got myself ready, like putting on my own oxygen mask before helping others.


When teaching, I was always so busy I couldn’t believe how fast the day was moving. But as we set up our lunches and sat down at the tables to eat, I used this as another opportunity for calming. I encouraged the children to slow down and move carefully, perhaps played some quiet classical music again, and modeled for the children my own slow motions and calm attitude. I smiled and whispered in response when the children spoke to me, and they quieted down in turn. After lunch in the Elementary rooms is a reading period, when the teacher and all the children read their chosen books quietly for pleasure. At every level, there are these checkpoints throughout the day, and honestly, with the hustle-bustle of working with 20 to 25 children all day long, I do not know how I could have stayed with them all day without these moments of re-centering. I believe the children benefit from taking moments to re-center as well.


In our homes, when we are with our young children all day long, it is imperative to weave in such moments. Checking our phones constantly (I’m guilty, too), answering calls and emails (I’m guilty, too), and racing off to an errand or to stuff more into the day (I’m guilty, too) are big obstacles to creating a home life that fosters creative, reflective thought and inner-stillness: qualities that prepare our children for optimal learning. Our children are much more vulnerable to the distractions and overstimulation of our modern lifestyles than we are. So, preparing ourselves to be sensitive to their needs and observant of their behaviors is more important than ever. Just as the Montessori Directress prepares herself to be the kind of adult who can support and foster the children’s healthiest growth, we as parents need to take the time to prepare. And give yourself time for change to happen; just as it takes the teacher in training months of learning to change herself, this is an ongoing process and a continuing journey in parenting, too. Prepare yourself with grace!

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A teacher and Montessori student at Forest Bluff School in Lake Bluff, IL, shake hands.

Montessori and Accountability: Developing a Moral Compass

By Alice Davidson with contributions by Margaret J. Kelley • February 25, 2026
In Montessori education, we view each child as inherently capable of developing a strong sense of right and wrong. A child’s moral compass is not something we impose upon them—it is something that grows within, guided by experiences, reflection, and consistent modeling from the adults in their lives. For that moral sense to take root, children must be allowed to experience accountability for their actions. When parents shield their children from consequences or defend behavior they know is wrong, they unintentionally undermine that process, creating confusion and instability in the child’s understanding of truth, fairness, and responsibility. Many parents defend their children out of love and protectiveness. They wish to spare their child from discomfort, embarrassment, or the feeling of failure. Yet this kind of protection, though well-intentioned, teaches the opposite of what true love demands. One of the tenets of Montessori is to put children in contact with the real world in age-appropriate ways, trusting that they have the inner capabilities to grow and adapt when they have real experiences. When parents constantly justify, minimize, or excuse poor behavior, a child misses an opportunity for feedback; they learn that honesty is flexible and that integrity can be negotiated. This erodes their moral foundation and leaves them uncertain about what is right—not because they cannot feel it, but because the adults they trust most are contradicting that inner voice. In Montessori, children learn to do work and make decisions based on intrinsic, not extrinsic motivation. We trust that they have goodness inside of them, and while they absolutely need guardrails and guidelines, we can best serve them by teaching them to distinguish between their internal drives, and to take action in accordance with their conscience. Children are perceptive. They often know when they have done something wrong—whether they spoke unkindly, acted selfishly, or disrespected another. When their parents immediately defend them or blame others, the child experiences an internal conflict. On one hand, their conscience tells them they made a mistake; on the other, the parent’s response tells them they are in the right. Over time, this mismatch between inner truth and external validation creates confusion. The child begins to question their own moral instincts and may even learn to ignore the pangs of conscience altogether, relying instead on external approval to define what is acceptable. This is one of the greatest harms of over-defending a child: it separates them from their natural moral compass. When children are consistently told they are right—even when they know they are not—they start to equate love with being defended rather than being guided. They may learn that relationships are maintained through justification and blame-shifting instead of honesty and repair. Later in life, these patterns can manifest as difficulty accepting feedback, resistance to authority, or an inability to take responsibility in personal and professional relationships. In Montessori classrooms, we see accountability as a cornerstone of growth. When a child makes a mistake—perhaps they take another’s materials without asking or speak rudely to a classmate—we respond not with shame, but with calm guidance. We help the child reflect: What happened? How did this affect others? What can you do to make it right? This process nurtures empathy and clarity. It helps children see that they can correct their mistakes, that doing wrong does not make them bad, and that making amends restores both harmony and self-respect. Accepting that your child can be wrong is not a sign of parental failure—it is a sign of courage and wisdom. When you model accountability yourself, your child learns that truth is not something to be feared. They see that mistakes are part of being human, and that integrity means facing them with grace. Ultimately, allowing your child to experience and accept the consequences of their behavior builds confidence, empathy, and moral clarity. Shielding them from accountability may protect their feelings in the short term, but it confuses their conscience and weakens their inner sense of right and wrong. By guiding them lovingly toward truth and responsibility, you empower them to grow into kind, honest, and self-aware individuals—qualities that form the true foundation of a moral life.
A Montessori student at Forest Bluff School uses grammar symbols and color-coded tiles

Grammar the Montessori Way

By Margaret J. Kelley • January 24, 2026
Discover how Forest Bluff School on Chicago's North Shore uses Montessori symbols to teach grammar, making language arts engaging for Primary and Elementary students.